So, I am finally in Seattle, at my apartment with my husband. I got here late yesterday afternoon. It is so pretty here, and I saw a lot of amazing thongs on the trip. I left Savannah Ga two weeks ago, and went to North Carolina to stay with my Dad and visit my other family and friends before I began the 3000 mile drive to Seattle. I had a good time with all my family and friends. They threw cookouts, and dinners and parties for me all week, and it was a lot of good times! I am glad to be here, though, so I can Begin my life again, I have felt as if I were in limbo for a few months now. My husband and I had not seen one another is 7 weeks! That was difficult for me! I went through NC, Tennessee, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, Idaho, Oregon, and then Washington state. Utah was beautiful! I saw the Rockies for the first time, and the outline of them in the distance in Colorado was so breathtaking. I was not able to stop and sight see very much, as I had a Small dog with me, but we did stop at a few scenic overlook areas, and went o one nature trail in Colorado. I am at a temporary apartment now, we will be in our permanent apartment in two weeks. I am not even going to unpack my things! I am glad I had the experience of driving across the country, but am really happy to be here, in my new home!

Hope all of you are well!

Brooke

OK, since we decided in seminar that we would do this, I am going to continue this blog for therapy purposes. First of all, some of you have asked about my Mom. She passed away in April 2010. She was diagnosed with stomach cancer in October of 2009. Before that, as far as we knew, she was healthy. She was 56 years old, and very active. She was a social worker, and worked with Child Protective Services for her entire career. She retired from North Carolina, in 2007, and moved to Savannah Ga to be near myself and my husband. She began a business here, teaching parenting skills to people who where in danger of losing custody of their children. She was my best friend,and my rock. We always had a good relationship,and I miss her terribly. We had our problems, but even when we were mad at one another, the love was never a question. She loved me, and my little brother with all she had. It was obvious when she looked at us. Growing up in foster care, herself, and never having been nurtured, or parented herself, she was determined to be a good Mom, and social worker. She succeeded. My 24 yr old baby brother, after she was diagnosed, put his life on hold ( he was accepted to Grad school that was supposed to start in Nov of 2009), and moved in with Mom, and became her full time caregiver. This is amazing to me, considering his age,and lack of experience with this type of thing. He was phenomenal! All of her appointments were in order, her medications were gotten, he cooked, cleaned, drove her all over, and the whole time made sure he kept me informed and in the loop of anything that was going on. I was working full time, and he made sure I was involved. Mom was fiercely independent, and having to depend on us for simple things drove her nuts. She was so tough! She had her stomach surgically removed, along with her spleen, part of the liver and part of the pancreas. She was hospitalized for 28 days following this. Going into surgery, she said to me " OK, lets get this party started." After surgery, within hours of being allowed visitors, she asked us the outcome. We had to tell her that they removed more than they planned ( she went in to remove the stomach), she said, upon hearing what all organs were taken from her " Well, damn, I really needed that spleen" and laughed. I asked her for what and she replied "for whatever the spleen does". She was a happy person, in spite of the many trials and tribulations that she lived through. I am grateful that I had her as long as I did. I miss her so much, but most people do not get a mother like her , ever, I am honored that I had her for 34 years. She was my hero, and my rock. I am also grateful that it did not take cancer for myself 0r my brother to let her know how we felt about her. She knew we adored and respected and loved her, and we knew she loved us. So many times, we take for granted what we have. She taught me not to do that, and we really did have fun! She said to me 3 days before she died, that we had always had a good life, and for me not to forget that when she was gone. She gave me the ability to go on without her, even through the pain. Most of my memories involve laughter, and to me, that is a testament to the woman she was. I met people at her memorial that I never even knew, that told me of the countless things she did to help them over the years. Whether it was a meal, 10 dollars, advice, a place to stay, a ride somewhere, or a shoulder to cry on, she was there to help. The funny thing, is I never knew a lot of the things she did. She used to say that " it is not charity, if you feel you have to get credit for it", and she truly lived that. She did not want recognition, she just did what she knew was right. I will spend the rest of my life trying to be half as amazing as she was.

Ok, so I am still not smart enough to get my project here! Sorry guys! It is in doc sharing for you to see!

Brooke

unit 8, what works for me

I have to say that I have learned a lot about meditation in this course. The Meeting Aesclepius exercise was especially surprising for me. I felt it more deeply than any of the other exercises, and really could "see" my mother there, and sense her presence within me. This made me cry, and brought out a lot of sadness and grief. I miss my Mom so much, and this was good for me. I felt really close to her during this exercise. I think that for me, visualization is the best technique. Using this kind of meditation makes me feel as if I am there, in the visual that I am seeing. It takes me away from the here and now. Sometimes , it is healthy to get away. I also enjoy the small, short meditations we have participated in during seminar. They always relax me, and ease the tension in my muscles. I think that I will look for some meditation CDs , and use them more often, to calm and relax me. I am very high strung, and emotional and have a difficult time relaxing and just settling down and calming my mind. I am a generally positive, happy person, but I am always "up" so when I do come down, I come down hard with a crash. The deep breathing and visualization techniques, along with the sound of ocean waves have had the most positive, calming effect on me. I truly believe that by calming the mind, overall wellness and a sense of peace can be achieved.

Wow. This excercise was very emotional for me. I have not had such a strong reaction to any of the other meditations. I thought of my Mom. She has only been dead 4 months,and is on my mind a lot. It amazed me how much the description sounded like her. She was compassionate, and kind. She was a social worker, and her life's mission was to protect, and help abused and neglected children, and their parents. She believed good was inside all people, and that even in the most bleak circumstances, that the parents needed compassion, and that most of them needed to be taught how to parent the right way. When the part about the light in the neck/throat of the person came, I thought of her laugh. She loved to laugh, and was witty and funny. She would laugh so loud, and when she thought something was really funny, she could not stop laughing. It made me laugh just to hear her. I really felt her, in my heart during this. I know she is with me, we were so close, but this exercise made me realize that she is inside my heart and mind. She really is my healer, she always was. When I needed to cry, or shout, or be mad at the world, or laugh or celebrate, she was the first one I called. She knew what to say to me, always. We disagreed, sometimes, mostly because I am like her, and stubborn, and have that "not going to back down attitude." But, even in our worst arguments, I always felt love from her. Real, unconditional love. Most people are not lucky enough to have a Mama like mine, and I am thankful that I had her for 34 years. She is with me, now. I think this exercise is a good way to get in touch with that feeling of peace and healing. The first person that comes to mind, is probably the best one, because you thought of them without hesitation or planning.

I am trying to practice loving kindness with my Dad and Grandmother right now. They are 6 hours away in North Carolina, and I plan a visit with them in September, before I move to Seattle. THey have a very strained, unhealthy relationship, and always have. My father, who is 63, goes to her house daily. He has done this for years, as long as I can remember. I am all for being around family, but it is not normal to go to see your parents everyday for your entire adult life. He had a good relationship with his Dad, but he and his Mom have never been close. She is verbally abusive, and as far as I can tell, has always been with him. It is the same concept you hear about , with phycially abused spouses/family. I think my Dad craves some kind of acceptance from her, and he will never get it. So, he continues to put himself out there for her to mistreat. Now, my Grannie is not a sweet person to any of us ( family), and never has been, but she has her good points, and most of us just ignore her snide comments ( are you getting fatter? she says to me, in front of my now husband, when we were dating, the first time she me him). So, I get a message from my Dad Friday, saying he left her house, after blowing up at her, and he was tired of her, and he would never go there again. Ok, so now my Grannie is 85, and as hateful and mean as she has always been, especially to my Dad, she needs his help now. She needs him to mow the lawn, and drive her to appointments. He could have made a clean break from her negative effect on him years ago, but he chose not to. So, now , I am stuck in the middle, as usual, and I really do not even want to visit them now. I feel obligated to go , because once I move to Seattle, I will not see them often, and I do love them both. I am just tired of them hurting one another all the time. I have listened to my Dad, and offered a shoulder, and no opinion. I have spoken with my Grannie, and listened to her cry, and told her it would be ok. I think loving kindness to others is importatn, but right now, I am needing to treat myself with some loving kindness. I know I cannot " fix" them, or change them, but it still hurts for them to be so mean to one another,and so unreasonble in general. It is really kind of embarrassing to me , the way they live.

This has not been a good week, at all. I put in the CD, and thought that it was damaged. However, after reading all of the other blogs it is hard for me to believe that all of these Cd's are damaged. I have determined that the horrible noise was on purpose, and that it was used to show you how to block all other things out of your mind,and relax in spite of what is going on around you. Since, I was in a minor car accident, ( no one is hurt, cuts and scrapes, I am bruised a little) I was unable to attend Seminar! Now, I cannot log into the seminar, to listen to it on my own. Very annoying! I was hoping to clear up the question of if the Cd was damaged, or if we were supposed to hear the noise. Anyway, if it was on purpose, then I could never relax while listening to that, my mind is not strong enough to block out the noise. I also am not liking the power point project, this week, and so, I am really frustrated and wound up! I think I am going to book a massage for next week!
Hope you all are in better moods than I am!
Brooke

The exercise this week was good. The relaxing sounds of the ocean helped me feel peaceful. I found it hard to follow the entire time, however, as usual! I seem to have a mental block on these as relaxation techniques, because they are assignments for school. I do like the concept of the loving kindness exercise. In order to really achieve body-mind-spirit oneness, you must push all negative thoughts out . This is difficult at time, but focusing on loving kindness toward all people, even the one's who make you angry is a good way to begin.

week 3!

OK, here we are with another week. I am beginning to appreciate, and enjoy the relaxation exercises more and more. I did, however, feel that this week's was a little to long... short attention span, I guess. On a scale form one to ten I rate my Physical well-being as a 6. I rate my spiritual as an 8 and my psychological as a 7. In order to get my physical well-being to a higher number, I need to set up an exercise routine, that includes yoga, or other relaxing type physical activities. I now work out sporadically. For my spiritual , I could spend more time reflecting and praying on my own. I attend church, and attend the activities there and fellowship regularly, but I could work more on my personal relationship with God. For my psychological well being , I could stress out less, relax more, and tell myself that it will be OK, no matter what. I hope you all have a great week, and find ways to make your well-being harmonious!

Brooke

Journey On relaxation exercise

This was an interesting experiment for me. I have meditated before, but not really in a structured way, that was led by a tape. I do basic, " deep-breathing" exercises, and yoga on my own for most of my meditation. I think that the journey on relaxation exercise is a good tool, and probably effective for some people. For me, I was not really able to relax. I think the main reason, was because of the fact, that the entire time, I was aware that it was an assignment, and that changed the dynamic of the relaxation technique. I hope all others who tried the exercise were more able to use it to relax. I have a difficult time doing that, anyway!

Have a Great Week! Happy Blogging!

Welcome!

Welcome to the second week of blogging... this is fun for me, but very new. I hope that in time I will become a pro at this. This week has been especially stressful for me, and full of activity. I have enjoyed the activity, but, not the added hustle and bustle it added to my life! I hope all of you have had a great week , so far, and send you wishes for a great start of the new one!

First Blog

This is my first experience blogging. I hope I can make it work!