I am trying to practice loving kindness with my Dad and Grandmother right now. They are 6 hours away in North Carolina, and I plan a visit with them in September, before I move to Seattle. THey have a very strained, unhealthy relationship, and always have. My father, who is 63, goes to her house daily. He has done this for years, as long as I can remember. I am all for being around family, but it is not normal to go to see your parents everyday for your entire adult life. He had a good relationship with his Dad, but he and his Mom have never been close. She is verbally abusive, and as far as I can tell, has always been with him. It is the same concept you hear about , with phycially abused spouses/family. I think my Dad craves some kind of acceptance from her, and he will never get it. So, he continues to put himself out there for her to mistreat. Now, my Grannie is not a sweet person to any of us ( family), and never has been, but she has her good points, and most of us just ignore her snide comments ( are you getting fatter? she says to me, in front of my now husband, when we were dating, the first time she me him). So, I get a message from my Dad Friday, saying he left her house, after blowing up at her, and he was tired of her, and he would never go there again. Ok, so now my Grannie is 85, and as hateful and mean as she has always been, especially to my Dad, she needs his help now. She needs him to mow the lawn, and drive her to appointments. He could have made a clean break from her negative effect on him years ago, but he chose not to. So, now , I am stuck in the middle, as usual, and I really do not even want to visit them now. I feel obligated to go , because once I move to Seattle, I will not see them often, and I do love them both. I am just tired of them hurting one another all the time. I have listened to my Dad, and offered a shoulder, and no opinion. I have spoken with my Grannie, and listened to her cry, and told her it would be ok. I think loving kindness to others is importatn, but right now, I am needing to treat myself with some loving kindness. I know I cannot " fix" them, or change them, but it still hurts for them to be so mean to one another,and so unreasonble in general. It is really kind of embarrassing to me , the way they live.